Ryan:

"There are not enough natural enzymes in our bodies to break down such things."

Apparently you're a victim of veg*an propaganda, because science (clearly explained in the article) long ago established that we have enzymes specifically dedicated to breaking down collagen (elastase) as well as meat proteins in general (pepsin, trypsin).  In addition to the biochemical fact that we poorly digest the prolamins found in beans and grains (descriptions of these enzymes contain phrases like "cleaves X-Y bonds except when X is proline"), they contain trypsin inhibitors which stop us from digesting them!

"That's why you get tired and feel like shit after eating a big steak."

Speak for yourself.  The rest of the world feels extremely energized after eating a steak -- often to the point that it impairs sleep when eaten too close to bedtime!  In contrast, it's well-established that complex carbohydrates put you to sleep, e.g. the well-known "pasta coma". 

Seriously: I dare you to find anyone who says "I can't sleep...I'd better eat a steak."  If you fall asleep after a "steak dinner", it's likely due to the loaf of table bread and giant ball of mashed potatoes that came along with it (and comprised the majority of calories).

"If you knew anything about proper nutrition and the art of cleaning your body of all of its worms, gunk, and muck"

Ah, so you believe in the colon cleansing myth!  It's profitable to sell people a mix of bentonite clay, psyllium husk, and laxatives, and tell them to be surprised at the weird poop that comes out (which looks suspiciously like a mixture of waterlogged bentonite clay and psyllium husk, squeezed into strange shapes by a colon spasming from laxative overdose).  And it's even more profitable to sell them enemas.  But as I said above, try to find a colonoscopy picture which shows a colon filled with "gunk and muck". 

You won't find any, because that does not happen.

As far as "big salads", I enjoy them frequently, as do most paleo eaters.  (Mark Sisson even coined the term "Big Ass Salad"!)  However, if I want them to be an entree as opposed to a side dish, they're going to feature a grip of meat on top...preferably tri-tip, grilled rare.

"then you wouldn't be posting some article about how the body digests."

This article is basic, uncontroversial human physiology, as taught in any introductory college class.  Which specific assertions do you have trouble with?

Oh, that's right...you're a veg*an who is suffering from cognitive dissonance upon discovering that that reality doesn't conform to veg*an propaganda.  We're here for you once you decide to stop suffering needlessly and start eating a natural human diet.

Paul, eddie:

I've noticed a robust trend: veg*anism is strongly associated with poor reading comprehension.  

Alex:

You, me, and the rest of the human race.

JS

RW:

I don't see how probiotics would address constipation...intestinal bacteria can only ferment soluble fiber, which is just complex sugars which we don't have enzymes to digest (e.g. inulin, raffinose, all "probiotics").  What most people think of as "fiber" is insoluble fiber, which neither us nor our gut bacteria can digest at all, and is excreted (e.g. cellulose).

I can't address all the possible causes of constipation...but if you're dealing with it, I recommend some combination of magnesium citrate and MCT oil.  (Straight coconut oil is almost as good.)  If that doesn't clean out your system, you've likely got a serious problem and should see a medical professional!

JS

Dan:

Much appreciated.  Thank you!

"Dr. Suess":

First, I'm reasonably sure you're a vegan, for two reasons:

1. You didn't bother to read the GIANT BOLDFACED NOTE I left above

2. You don't know how to spell Dr. Seuss

Also, the study you cite has the same problems all such studies do.

1. "The Loma Linda researchers used a questionnaire to categorize participants into groups based on their diets."  Dietary recalls are notoriously inaccurate: I talk about the known, measured problems at length in this article.

2. Here's the kicker: "The categories include nonvegetarians and people considered semi-vegetarians, who eat meat more than once a month but less than once a week. In addition to meat, vegans eliminate dairy and eggs from their diets.  Others eat fish, in addition to the cohort that eats no meat but consumes dairy and eggs. For many of the analyses, the researchers lumped all of these subsets of people together as simply "vegetarians.""

And in this article, we find that two out of three people who claim to be "vegetarian" on a survey eat meat frequently...but their diet is much healthier in general than self-described meat-eaters.

Result: most of the SDA "vegetarians" are actually meat-eaters, and this paper isn't measuring the health impact of vegetarianism or veganism at all. 

(More about the "vegetarian vs. omnivore lifespan" argument can be found here and here.)

Lorean:

Thank you!

Amber E:

"Try telling someone who had terminal cancer and was on death's door that being a vegan isn't healthy, especially, after it cured them."

Like Steve Jobs?

Now I'm going to quote the first article you linked:

"I do not believe in evolution (do not want to imagine that my great-great-great….-granny was evolving, hunched over, tree-hoping, branch swinging chimpanzee 😉 ), so, as such, I believe that God made us perfect the first time around and designed our digestive tracts to eat a plant based diet."

I know it's annoying that facts don't change to fit your beliefs.  However, if you someday decide to live in reality, we're here for you.

A final note: apparently going vegan destroys one's social skills and reading comprehension, because not a one of the vegan commenters has bothered to read the GIANT BOLDFACED NOTE I left above...or even noticed that the article is about digestion, not the general case for omnivory.  And yes, if you decide to leave such a comment, I'm going to break my usual rules and make fun of you!

JS